List O' Shit

No big intro or funny explanation to this one.  This is just a List O' Shit that I must do.  Ok, maybe there will be some explanations involved...

1. Interview a transvestite.  Hey, everyone wants to know what the fuck is wrong with them.
2. Pay a hooker to fuck a homeless guy.  Smelly people need loving too.
3. Punch a chick in the butt hole.  I feel that it would hurt more than anal.
4. Greet president Obama by saying "Word dog!"
5. Make a hippie cry while she is having sex with me.  All I will need to do is put a plastic bottle in the trash.
6. Leave many burgers in an open convertible and watch the bird shit begin.
7. Ask where the fitting room is at Wal-Mart holding only a box of Magnum Condoms.
8. Return said condoms Wal-Mart because they were the wrong size. 
9. Take a bath in Jello with a midget.  Hey, everyone has to think that would be cool!
10. Get a pet monkey and penguin.  They can be friends and fuck with my guests.
11. Become the mayor of a small community and piss off at least 75% of the residents.  The other 25% are my fans and will love my antics.
12. Become friends with a celebrity and ruin said friendship by fucking his/her mother or sister.  Better yet, by fucking his mother AND sister...AT THE SAME TIME!
13. Try out for porn, again, but actually be able to meet qualifications.  Who knew that fucking in front of 10 people would be so hard, or in my case, not.
14. Do stand up comedy.  Nothing funny here.  I guess that is why I will fail at it and not care.
15. Give a girl an orgasm.  Hey, we can all dream, can't we?
16. Work at a carnival as the guy that guesses someones weight.  Many girls will have SEVERELY reduced self-esteem by the end of that day!
17. Go on the Jason Ellis Show.  I have a feeling I would fit in well there.  Sick bastards think alike!
18. Learn to fart on command.  That would be a great conversation starter at a bar.  "Hey baby, I can fart on command.  Wanna fuck?"
19. Figure out how to fix the hole in our atmosphere and not tell anyone.  COME ON SOLAR FLARES!
20. Empty my bladder into a fish tank while saying "DUDE, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH SALT IN HERE!  I WILL FIX IT SO YOUR FISH DON'T DIE!"

I think that will do just fine.  Hmm, I wonder how many of these will get me in trouble.  Only one way to find out!!!